I’m now on a canal holiday and the men have so far followed me throughout… Well, not entirely throughout… Initially, they couldn’t get up the canal because their launch was too wide.
But then they cut the sides off the boat with a circular saw and that enabled them to follow me for about twenty-two miles, during which their boat progressively sank. Since then, they’ve generally been following me on foot, with air support where (presumably) they feel it appropriate. Some of them are no longer wearing the ‘T’-branded shirts, but I know it’s them because their trousers are still wet. Within the last ten minutes the aeroplane has landed in the canal.
So I’m currently in the process of contacting every organisation whose name begins with ‘T’, and asking if they’ve got me under surveillance. Does this have anything to do with Twirpz?
“If you have blocked Twirpz from setting cookies on your system or device, and you are not transmitting a GPS signal, then Twirpz, its partners, and the group of carefully selected companies who are paying Twirpz a shit load of cash for a peep hole into your personal life, will not be able to access any information about your commercial preferences, needs, fears, browsing habits or sexual perversions.
It is imperative that Twirpz obtains the above information, so in instances where you have blocked conventional remote tracking processes, you will be tracked physically, in real time. This will entail you being followed by a group of people who are incredibly cheap to hire and will therefore inevitably have limited intelligence.”