Can I Have a Boyfriend With Bladder Control Please?

Sprinkler Sign

The online dating business Meetaplex finds itself under the microscope once again, after further accusations from female members that the site has failed to address the issue of its male clients’ bladder control.

Meetaplex first drew attention in 2010, when it organised an extensive cover-up, having discovered industrial scale incontinence among men in its matchmaking database. Rather than admit the issue and negotiate around it with clever PR, the controversial dating site opted to private-message all of its male members, imploring them to wear an elastic band round their penis when going out on dates. The men were told they could stop wearing the elastic band once they were married. The site’s Wikipedia entry, shown below, adds a little additional detail…

Meetaplex Wikipedia

Recent leaked emails from the Meetaplex Customer Service department also appear to show evidence of significant bladder issues, along with the aforementioned elastic band protocol…

Emails to a dating agency

Meetaplex member Janet Betch has publicly supported the notion that Meetaplex has failed to stem the flow, as it were, in a widely-circulated Facebook post…

I’m not being funny, but does the Meetaplex dating agency actually supply any men at all who don’t wet the bed?… I have now had three separate boyfriends from Meetaplex, at an admin fee of £75 each, and whilst they have been moderately good looking, with their own hair and teeth, all have wet the bed to a greater or lesser extent.

This is something I would wish to avoid with subsequent boyfriends, as I would really rather they were using their money to pay for jewellery, handbags and luxury motor vehicles than replacement duvets, memory foam mattresses and bedroom fumigation services.

Twirpz asked Meetaplex for a reply…


Stop Crying!

Meetaplex categorically does not have an infestation of weak-bladdered men. Bladders vary in strength, and like any other dating site, we offer a range of different bladder strengths to suit the tolerance of the love match.

Like any other member, Ms Betch is at liberty to go into her Advanced User Settings and specify either a non-smoker, a vegetarian, or a non-bedwetter. None of these boxes are ticked by default, so if straight female users don’t amend their settings they will generally get men who smoke, wet the bed and won’t eat meat. Put simply, because most other new clients adjust these settings immediately upon sign-up, to reflect the fact that they want a man who has some sort of control over his bladder, Ms Betch is getting bedwetters by default.

Janet Betch
Turn off the tap!

But none of my boyfriends have smoked or refused to eat turkey burgers, so your argument doesn’t make much sense.

Stop Crying!

We would suggest that the lack of smokers has been a coincidence, and stress that turkey burgers don’t generally contain any meat.