Hot King Lycra Promises Hottest Ever Performance!

Hot King Lycra Live March 2016

Grant Greenstripe (Talent Agent):
Fans of the new sensation in the underbelly of the UK music scene can still get their hands on the last few precious tickets to see Hot King Lycra live tonight. Now tipped to be the biggest seller in popular music since Elvis and The Beatles, Hot King Lycra has said of tonight’s performance…

“You will never have seen anything like this before. In two momentous, game-changing hours, I am going to revolutionise the face of popular music. ”

Does that sound like something you’d want to miss?
 

REPLIES…

Shandi Beever
Pop King Fangirl

Watching this show right now and it is truly awful.

Grant Greenstripe
Talent Agent

I’m sorry you feel that way. Is there anything in particular you find offputting?

Shandi Beever
Pop King Fangirl

I can see his penis.

Grant Greenstripe
Talent Agent

So it’s not the music then?

Shandi Beever
Pop King Fangirl

No. If it was the music I would have said it was the music. He’s actually not a bad singer but that doesn’t change the fact that I can see his penis.

Grant Greenstripe
Talent Agent

You should have been warned at the door that the outline of his penis may be visible through his tight lycra trousers.

Shandi Beever
Pop King Fangirl

I was warned at the door that the outline of his penis may be visible through his tight lycra trousers, but I am not seeing the outline of his penis through his tight lycra trousers. I am seeing HIS PENIS.

Grant Greenstripe
Talent Agent

His actual penis?

Shandi Beever
Pop King Fangirl

His actual penis. And there are two men at the back with trumpets, but they’re not miming to the backing track – they’re looking out of the window and pointing at buses. I’VE PAID TWO HUNDRED AND FORTY QUID FOR THIS!!!

Ed Case
Mun

Someone actually came up to you at the door and said: “You might be able to see his dick through his clothes”?

Shandi Beever
Pop King Fangirl

No, it came over the public address system as a general message while we were waiting in the queue.

Ed Case
Mun

What, like: “This is a general announcement. The singer’s dick might be visible through his trousers.”?

Shandi Beever
Pop King Fangirl

I can’t remember the exact wording. Look, is anyone going to deal with this matter?

Calum Fossil
LycraPower Events

Hello Ms Beever. I’m the Events Manager in charge. I’ve contacted the MC, and at the end of the next song he’s going to go on stage and say he’s sorry you can all see the singer’s penis. He will also tell the trumpet players to quit looking out of the window and mime their trumpet parts.

Shandi Beever
Pop King Fangirl

The keyboard player has climbed on top of the organ speaker and fallen off. He’s now lying on the floor holding his ankle.

Calum Fossil
LycraPower Events

Thanks for the update. Is his penis visible?

Shandi Beever
Pop King Fangirl

I don’t know – he’s got his back to us.

Calum Fossil
LycraPower Events

So that’s “no” then isn’t it.

Shandi Beever
Pop King Fangirl

How is it a “no”?

Calum Fossil
LycraPower Events

Well if you can’t see his penis, it’s not visible, is it?

Shandi Beever
Pop King Fangirl

It’s not visible to me, but it might be visible to the rest of the band.

Calum Fossil
LycraPower Events

Look, I’m going to have the keyboard player dragged off the stage, so that the event looks more professional and you get the full value out of your £240.

Shandi Beever
Pop King Fangirl

Okay thank you. Can I have a retail voucher for bringing the matter to your attention?

Calum Fossil
LycraPower Events

No.

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