JACK SMART (Guest Writer):
As one of Europe’s premier private investigators, I’m approached by a lot of very beautiful women. I typically end up taking them to dinner, naturally. And as I stare attentively across the table into each lady’s eyes, I get an almost telepathic sense of what she’s going to say. She gazes back through the candle light with that tell-tale look, and I listen hard, just beneath the soft music, for her tentative, nervous whisper…
“I need you to make a video of my husband having sex.”
It’s fine. I’m used to it. It pays the bills. Hiding in cupboards and bushes with an ex-Ministry of Defence camcorder really isn’t as bad as it’s made out to be once you get the headphones on and consider your cut of the divorce settlement. I briefly explain the costing plans, warn her that my cinematic production values aren’t up to much, and a deal is struck.
“BUT THAT’S NOT EVEN ME, LUV!”
Ohhhh yes it is mate! And I have the penis recognition software to prove it! Yep, even when caught red-handed, the human male’s built-in auto-denial mechanism will trigger instantly upon accusation, and, as Anne Boleyn once said: “shall not desist until the onset of Medieval ball torture“. Or, in 2017, until his divorce lawyer tells him it’s cheaper just to own up, obviously.
Penis recognition software has an increasingly important role to play in infidelity cases. But it’s not just helping out with the subtleties of identification – it’s also telling us something about the consequences of cheating.
CONCLUSIVE RESULTS
In a study of 50 males, whose illicit antics I filmed in 1440 quad HD through holes in wardrobe doors, the recognition software discovered something remarkable. When re-assessed at the time of settlement, 43 of the men’s penises averaged lower measurement statistics. 34 of the men said they believed their penises had shrunk. The other 9 declined to comment. The message is clear. And seriously guys, take note of this… IF YOU CHEAT ON YOUR WIFE, YOUR DICK WILL SHRINK. Not quite such an attractive proposition now, is it?
REPLIES…

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YOUR DICK HAS SHRUNK. For that to have happened, then logically, and scientifically, IT MUST BE POSSIBLE FOR YOUR DICK TO SHRINK. If it were not possible, it could not have happened. Therefore, the fact that’s it’s happened, means that YES, YOUR DICK CAN SHRINK. Whatever an expert posts on here, it will not change the fact that YOUR DICK HAS SHRUNK, and thus the answer to your question must by the laws of logic be YES.

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