How to Like Holy Lord God on the Internet

Jesus H Christ
Messiah

Dad, would you be interested in having a Like button?

God
Almighty Ruler

What would be the point of that?

Jesus H Christ
Messiah

So people can like you.

God
Almighty Ruler

People already do like me… They send me prayers.

Jesus H Christ
Messiah

Only when they want something. And someone… I can’t say who… But someone says we’ve moved on, and praying takes too long for people in the modern world, and that’s why they only do it when they’re massively overdrawn… I mean, it’s not that fewer people want to like you; it’s just that they haven’t got time… But if we could just make a sort of ‘Like God‘ button that people could press on their phones, they’d like you a lot more… Well, that’s what this person says anyway… But I can’t tell you who said it…

God
Almighty Ruler

Well I know who said it anyway. I’m God – I know everything.

Jesus H Christ
Messiah

So is it alright to do it then?

God
Almighty Ruler

Do What?

Jesus H Christ
Messiah

Make the Like button and start selling it.

God
Almighty Ruler

SELLING it?

Jesus H Christ
Messiah

Except to prostitutes. They can have it for free.

God
Almighty Ruler

And you then have another bloody series of arguments with tax collectors?

Jesus H Christ
Messiah

Okay – didn’t think of that. But it’ll cost money to get this online… Unless you sign up to Facebook…

God
Almighty Ruler

We’ve been through this. I’m not going on Facebook.

Jesus H Christ
Messiah

But we could do a good deal with them. They could put a special badge and a load of gold shit at the top of the page… And Facebook are clever – they could trick the Devil into liking you!

God
Almighty Ruler

Facebook IS the Devil you cretin!

Jesus H Christ
Messiah

What about Google Plus?

God
Almighty Ruler

The Devil’s younger and slightly more stupid brother.

Jesus H Christ
Messiah

Twitter?

God
Almighty Ruler

Full of morons, digital marketers and porntards.

Jesus H Christ
Messiah

Well if you won’t charge people for a button, and you won’t go on any websites, what can people click on to Like you?

God
Almighty Ruler

Jesus; I made liking into an emotion, so people can have the experience of liking someone without clicking a button.

Jesus H Christ
Messiah

But don’t you think part of liking someone is finding them on social media and in some way, licking arse?

God
Almighty Ruler

No.

Jesus H Christ
Messiah

So what’s the point in anyone on the Internet having a Like button then?

God
Almighty Ruler

I refer you to my initial response.

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